The Secret to Keeping Your Resolutions: Discover Your Tendency Type

​Have you ever wondered why some people effortlessly stick to New Year's resolutions while others abandon them by mid-January? Gretchen Rubin, the author of "The Happiness Project," offers illuminating answers through her Four Tendencies framework—a personality system that reveals how we respond to expectations.

Rubin identifies two types of expectations we all face: outer expectations (like work deadlines) and inner expectations (like personal goals). How we respond to these expectations determines which of four tendencies we fall into. The four tendencies are as follows:

Upholders
These self-starters readily meet both outer and inner expectations. They wake up thinking, "What's on the schedule today?" and keep commitments to themselves just as seriously as those made to others. While they excel at meeting goals, Upholders can sometimes struggle with flexibility when plans change unexpectedly.

Questioners
This group questions all expectations and will meet them only if they believe they make sense. They resist anything arbitrary and need to understand the "why" behind every request. Once convinced something is worthwhile, Questioners follow through beautifully—though their constant need for justification can exhaust those around them.

Obligers
Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle with inner ones. They'll meet a friend for a 6 a.m. workout, but can't seem to exercise alone. This is the largest tendency group, and Obligers often feel frustrated by their inability to meet self-imposed goals. The solution? Create external accountability—hire a trainer, join a class, or find a workout buddy—to transform those inner expectations into outer ones.

Rebels
Rebels resist all expectations, both outer and inner. They value freedom and self-determination above everything, wanting to act in alignment with their identity and choices. Tell a Rebel they must do something, and watch them dig in their heels. However, Rebels can accomplish remarkable things when they reframe goals as personal choices that express their authentic selves rather than obligations.

Although it's good to understand your tendency, keep in mind that your natural tendencies may shift in different circumstances or with age and maturity. However, by working with our natural inclinations rather than fighting against them, we can design systems and strategies that actually work for our unique personality, making it far easier to achieve our goals. An Obliger can stop beating themselves up for needing external accountability, while a Questioner can honor their need for information before committing. You can read more about the Four Tendencies on Ruben's website.

Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I reveal my tendency and share how I work with it to get stuff done. See you soon!

If you liked this, you may like the article Run Towards the Fear.